


Pre-Show Panic

by bookspark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bipolar Disorder, F/M, Gen, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Mental Health Issues, artist Sirius, artist lily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:50:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8141176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookspark/pseuds/bookspark
Summary: James is excited, he and Lily are finally going to get a night to themselves, the trip's been planned for weeks. Sirius is an artist and is having trouble picking out what to present at his next show. What happens when Sirius' has a manic episode the night James is supposed to leave?





	

“I can’t believe I lost my swim trunks,” James muttered to himself as he walked up the lane, swinging his cloth bag around and around. James was excited. Well, excited may be an understatement, but it was what he was going with. It’s not like he was going to admit to himself how nervous and ecstatic he was that he and Lily were going on a trip. He had been watching and flirting and generally making a fool of himself over the redhead for close to two years now. Ever since she had walked into his pub, blue paint on her cheek, pink on her shirt and a bright green that matched her eyes in her hair. She’d finally agreed to get coffee 6 months ago, and now they were going to a little Inn in Brighton for an overnight just to themselves.

  
“Siriuuuuus!” James called as he walked through the door to his and his brother’s flat. “Sirius, you plonker, where are you? You know Lily and I are leaving tonight-”

“NO!”

James stopped as got to Sirius’ doorway. He’d just been about to step on a piece of paper that was in the middle of the doorway. Pulling his foot back, he looked around the room. Photographs was scattered around the room, on the floor, the bed, the chair, in the laundry hamper. Sirius sat in the middle of the floor, laptop in his lap, mascara streaked around his wide eyes. “Sirus....”

“The pictures…” Sirius said softly, and picked up a few of the photos next to him. “They won’t stop coming, Jamie.” Black hair falling out of a messy bun, Sirius looked back up at James and shook the prints in his hand.

“Oh, Sirius…” James said and dropped the bag with his new swim trunks in the doorway. “Too many images, eh?” He said and toed off his shoes before stepping slowly into Sirius’ room. He tiptoed around the piles of photographs, seeing that there were prints of different sizes, some in black and white and other in colour. Notebook paper was mixed in, covered in the messy scrawl that would have told James of Sirius’ manic episode even without walking in on him. James bent down and started to pull everything together.

“No!” Sirius yelled again, reaching out his hands. “Don’t touch them, you’ll mess it all up!”

James sighed and straightened, gently walking over to his adoptive brother. Bending his knees, James crouched to look Sirius in the face. “Sirius, love, when did you last take your meds?” James’ dark tan hand reached for Sirius’ pale one, their differences stark. He gently rubbed his thumb along the back of his brother’s hand, waiting for an answer.

Sirius stared into space, eyes unfocused, for longer than James liked. A mechanical knocking sound accompanied a vibrating in his pocket, startling the pair. SIrius looked at James, wide eyes showing fear. “Don’t worry, mate,” James squeezed Sirius’ hand and used his other to reach into his opposite back pocket for his mobile. James smiled at Sirius before opening his phone. “I’m not going anywhere tonight,” he told the black-haired boy.

James opened his phone to see a text from Lily.

_Headed your way! Should be there in about 15._

James looked at Sirius and smiled at him as he set his phone down. He gently reached for the hand holding his own and pulled the tightly clenched fingers, each one tipped with a bright red nail. “I need to switch hands, Sirius, I can’t text for shit with my left hand. Remember two summer’s ago?”

“Yeah, I do” Sirius laughed, loud and bark-like, and James briefly hoped the new neighbor wasn’t too tetchy. “Your spelling’s always been shite but it reached new levels that summer.”

“Oy!” James said, using the distraction to switch the hands that were holding Sirius’ “I’ll remind you, my A-levels were better than yours!”

“Right,” Sirius snorted. “Only in maths and English. You bombed Latin-”

“That was only because they wouldn’t let me take the Hindi A-Levels!” James interrupted and started a text to Lily one handed.

“It’s your FIRST LANGUAGE!” Sirius roared. “It would have been _criminal_ to let you take it!”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” James said smiling at Sirius’ exclamation of triumph. James laughed as well and looked around. “Hey, Sirius, can I move some of these? My knees are dying…”

The echo of Sirius’ and James’ laughter faded as Sirius looked around the room, eyes wide. “That one,” he said, and pointed to a pile on the other side of James, chipped red fingernail polish catching the light.

“This one?” James asked, and pointed, making sure it was the right pile.

“Yeah,” Sirius’ rough voice said. “You can add it to…” Sirius looked around for a second, confusion creasing his normally beautiful face. His lipstick was smudged and his eye make up had him looking faintly raccoon-ish at the moment. Finally finding the correct pile, Sirius pointed again, this time James could see the ink blotches from printing the photographs. “That one there, on the pillow.”

“Okay then,” James said and, slipping his phone back into his pocket, moved to stand up. He was stopped, half standing half crouching, by his hand in Sirius’ “Sirius, love, you’ve got to to let me go.”

“D-don’t leave?” Sirius asked, voice barely audible.

James shook his head, messy hair flying everywhere, “I won’t, SIrius. Have I ever? Since…?” He let his voice trail off, as memories of Sirius’ red blood, the patterns it made in the water, and the sound of sirens flashed through his mind. He felt Sirius let go of his hand slowly and looked at his brother. “Ta, Sirius.”

James was picking up the first pile when he heard Sirius’ rough voice, “I’m s- sorry.”

Shaking his head again, partly to move his over-excitable hair out of his eyes and partly to reassure Sirius, James turned and walked over to the bed. Adding the first pile to the second, James looked at the rest of them. “Don’t be sorry, Sirius. I should have understood how bad things were then….” Not being able to understand his brother's organisation, if there was any, he turned back around. “I mean, your parents had just kicked you out--I shouldn’t have left you alone!” In three careful steps, James was next to Sirius, scooting over a pile of paper and ignoring Sirius’ concerned noise. This time, James took both of Sirius’ hands in his own and looked into his best friend’s red-rimmed eyes. “I know better now. I know not to leave you alone, Sirius.” He squeezed the hands he was holding and smiled at the squeeze he got back. “It’s going to be okay.”

Sirius let out a choked half-sob and suddenly wrapped his arms around James’ waist, burying his head in his brother’s neck. James heard a faint “Promise?” moments before the front door of the flat creaked open.

“Bloody hell,” James moaned as he remembered he’d not only forgotten to lock the door, but had sent a fairly cryptic text to Lily.

“James?” he heard her call and then steps and an almost-slam of the door. “James Potter, you better tell me what the hell your text meant!”

“What’d you say?” Sirius mumbled, still buried in James’ neck, fingers clinging to his jumper.

James chuckled, turning his head around uncomfortably to try and see Sirius’ doorway. “Well-” he started.

“James! What the blood- Oh!”

“‘Lo, Lily,” James said, not able to stop the sheepish grin on his face.

“James…” Lily said slowly, looking from James to Sirius and back again.

“Look, Lils,” James started and made to get up.

“No…” Sirius groaned, and shook his head that was still buried in James’ stomach.

“Sirius, love, you’ve got to let me get up and talk to Lily…” James pet Sirius’ black hair and looked from the head in his lap to the redhead at the doorway. “Come on, Sirius. You’ve gotta let me explain.”

“‘ine.” Sirius mumbled and let James go.

James laid a hand on Sirius’ head for a second and then walked around the piles of photos to meet Lily in the doorway. He smiled at her softly and walked around her, jerking his head to get her to follow him. “I’m sorry,” he said as they stopped in the living room. “Sirius… he gets like that sometimes.”

Lily looked back to the doorway, where Sirius’ mumbles could still be heard. “What’s wrong with him?”

James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “He’s bipolar, I’ve told you that. He must have skipped his meds… I haven’t been keeping as close an eye on him as I should.” James groaned and started pacing. “He’s got an art show coming up in the next few weeks. He has to turn in a final picks for what’s getting presented tomorrow. I can’t leave him alone, Lily…. The last time I did-” James choked and covered his mouth. “No. I’m sorry, we can’t-”

“What?” Lily half shouted and glared at James. “We can’t- We’ve been planing this for _weeks_ , James! I took time off, we planned around your work and mine. I brought supplies-”

“I can’t leave him, Lily!” James said, gesturing to the room Sirius was in. “You don’t understand what he can be like.” James walked up to Lily and held her by the shoulders. “Lils… when we were 16 and his parents- his parents kicked him out. I left him alone. _We_ left him alone, my parents and I. He hadn’t been diagnosed yet…” James bit his lip before taking a deep breath, this wasn’t his secret to tell. Sirius hated it when James told his story to others. Sighing, James looked back at Lily, hoping she’d be able to understand how important this was. “I- I can’t lose him. I won’t. Look, I know this trip was important, but-”

“But, nothing,” Lily said and shook her head. James’ stomach dropped, she was going to leave. She didn’t understand, and so she was mad and was going to leave.

_Thunk._

James looked down and saw that Lily’s bag was on the ground. He looked back up at her, sure his confusion was all over his face. “Wha-?”

“How can I help?” Lily said, a soft smile on her face as she slipped her hand into James’.

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot was inspired by a scene in Six Feet Under. I was watching it and it struck me as something that could have easily happened with James and Sirius and Lily. My wife is bipolar, but if you feel I've offended or made any stereotyping remarks, please let me know. Also, the neighbor is totally Remus ;)


End file.
